Friday, May 29, 2015

The Musician

Musician

With the right music I can invoke emotion
I can conjure joy or a sense of gratification
Playing the wrong notes could bring pain, fear, or sorrow
However, I am the conductor of this piece

I command each string to play
Harmony and discord clashing
You won't hear a perfect performance
But its not about perfection
The way we balance our harmony and our discord
Is what defines us

I lift my arm gracefully yet powerfully and lower it
The same with the other and so on
My torso and hips hinge from side to side
I flutter my legs rapidly and hastily
Playing is like dancing

Water is my medium
Is a length of pool not unlike a staff?
Notes as strokes 
Each chord a series of strokes?
Each interval a measure

You will hear no music from me
Only I hear the songs
I am conducting a symphony in my mind
You can catch a glimpse of the emotion
But it is I who must feel it

-The Dreamer

Friday, May 23, 2014

Rebuilding XII - The First Step To Solving A Problem Is Recognizing There Is One

"It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chests. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men, we aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior. 

We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed, by great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore."
~HBO's The Newsroom


It's Been A While

Sorry for taking so long to update.  Striking a work life balance is difficult along with all the things going on.  Which is a very big concern for a triathlete.  Many folks, especially those training for an Ironman will attest that time management is key.  Triathletes spend a lot of time training.  It's a big time commitment.  Especially if you have a job that requires additional hours too.  How stuff works as an article about time management.


TShirts

I haven't given up on fundraising for PAWS.  With the help of my friend Antonio, Lead Artist over at Social Titans.  We came up with a design for my blog and future website.  www.thetigerrebuilt.com   I honestly haven't had a chance to work on it but it will contain a forum for triathlon tips as well as a link to my blog, and many other nice features!  



For those of you who don't know my blog TheTigerRebuilt.  It is about the struggles i'm going through on rebuilding my life.  I gave up on being overweight and this death spiral of health problems.  I went from playing World of Warcraft 6-7 hours a day to hardly touching my computer outside of work.  I met people, I volunteered my time, I grew as a person more outside of virtual reality than I ever did in it.


This is what I kind of looked like when I did go to the gym.


It's also ironic that i'm going through a rebuilding stage now, trying desperately to be able to run again.  The design is of a Tiger with a bionic leg.  My inspiration was the Six Million Dollar Man.  We can rebuild him, we have the technology!

Anyway, tshirts go for $12, it costs me $5.99+tax for each shirt,  so the rest goes directly to my Team PAWS fund.   If you'd like to purchase one or you have ideas to improve the design let me know.  



Back To My Roots


The quote of today's post resonates with me. I lost a lot of my vision since I've started dealing with my leg injuries. Yes its been almost a year. It drains you mentally as well as physically. You lose sight of why you started it all in the first place and what keeps you going. If you lose what keeps you going you stop but after riding my bike yesterday I remember why I started it all in the first place.

When I rode through the Salt Creek Trail in the suburbs of Chicago I felt for the first time this sense of "going places." Not literally going places but feeling of moving and seeing vastness of the earth around you. Seeing wonderful things like Lakes and forests, winding paths, hills (particularly going down not up).

In the beginning I loved running, biking was my relaxing activity, and swimming was my least favorite. Now I dread running because I simply can't. Biking is a chore because I train so hard. Swimming is actually better but I'm worried about increasing distance.

I had this wild idea one day. I was going to train for an ironman. I know crazy right? Well the inspiration for that dream was experiencing 140 miles of lush environment. A verse in Anna Kendrick's song Cups kind of references my thought.

"I got my ticket for the long way round

The one with the prettiest of views

It's got mountains

It's got rivers

It's got sights to give you shivers

But it sure would be prettier with you"


Actually the song as much more meaning to me besides seeing incredible views. (Kona one day) I think I need to energize myself by going back to my roots and starting from where I began. I need to relearn my motivation.

Lava Magazine's 2013 Kona Photo Gallery


Training Update

Swimming with Chicago Endurance Sports

If you are having trouble with a particular activity and you find yourself needing a coach in it.  Do it.  Getting someone's perspective as they watch you can help immensely.  I have swim practices once a week and you'd think that's not enough.  With the skills and the minor tweaks Coach is instilling in us I've already seen a dramatic improvement in my swimming.  Her approach to swimming is a combination of Full Immersion and Swim Smooth.  

I haven't been to the lake and started open water swimming this year.  With the last ice age now coming to the end I bet the lake is still mighty cold.  This is how I imagine the lake to be right now.



Or





More to come soon. 

As Always  Thanks for Reading
Tiger

P.S.

Please visit my Youtube Channel (which will be featured on my website once its complete.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQgJLT7RpnSGWWcG0ZjdPOw

Recorded by Seymour Butts

Monday, March 17, 2014

Rebuilding XIII - Confessions Of A Tiger That Can't Swim But Actually

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but the seeds you plant." 
~ Robert Louis Stevenson


Swimming One Stroke At A Time

I broke a new personal record swimming today.  52 lengths (21 laps) today unassisted, no rest, in 25 minutes 23 seconds.  That might not seem like much to a swimmer but I am not a pro swimmer I am me.  I am training to be a good swimmer one day but I'm doing it at my own pace.

Speaking of pace by my training calendar I was suppose to be at 20 laps by mid May.  This is ground breaking or water breaking however you like to put it.  I am very ahead of schedule.  Without being able to run very long it gets kind of hard at the gym.  Swimming makes up for a lot of it.  I have goals that I'm trying to get to.  With this big boost today I feel great.

I am thinking about signing up for the next round of Masters swim lessons by an endurance sports clinic down town.  The classes should be starting up in early April I think.

My Legs



I'm getting there.  My reflexologist is working on me and getting me to where I need to be one bit at a time. As the saying goes Rome wasn't built in a day and neither am I.  I am rebuilding, restructuring, reorganizing my brain, my muscles, my brain to muscle connections and my attitude.  It will all come in time.  Right now a majority of my homework is to facilitate this restructuring and reorganization.  I spend about 30 mins a day doing a basic routine of isometric exercises, lifts, dynamic breathing.  It's going great.  

Team PAWS Fundraiser

I had a great turnout for such an early fundraiser.  Together we raised $200!  Thank you to everyone who came out.  It was my birthday bash and I had a great time.  As always, please feel free to donate here.

Why Team PAWS?

I went to Nicaragua on a humanitarian aid trip in 2012.  (again in 2013)  I met people there.  People who needed clean water and that was what I was there to help with.  But I saw stray dogs roaming the streets in packs trying to scrape by with scraps of food where they could.  The villagers would beat them with sticks to get them away from their ducks.  I got mad but it was explained to me that those ducks are the villagers source of food.  

(WARNING - THE PHOTO ALBUM LINKED BELOW IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO LOOK AT)



It's understandable for a poor country like Nicaragua where resources are scarce dogs and cats would live like that.  But to hear that we as a 1st world nation murder, yes murder, thousands of innocent animals a year because of overpopulation is just sicking and unimaginable.  I care more about those who cannot fend for themselves.

I used to believe that neutering and spaying was wrong.  I mean sure depriving an animal of their natural ability to reproduce is a bit extreme.  The alternative is much worse.  1 dog and her offspring can produce 67,000 puppies in 6 years.  1 female cat and her offspring produce have 420,000 kittens.  My fundraising goes to providing free/low cost spay neutering.  But the funds also goes to the following.

  • $15 covers the cost of a micro-chip to help reunite lost pets with their families
  • $25 funds daily laundering of all toys, towels and pet beds
  • $32 stocks our Kitty City Cat Wing with litter for one day
  • $35 gives the gift of cleaning supplies for one day
  • $65 covers the cost of X-rays for an injured dog or cat
  • $75 provides intravenous fluids for one sick dog or cat for one week
  • $86 sponsors a spay/neuter surgery to help prevent over pet population
  • $150 fuels our transport vehicles so we can rescue more animals from the city pound and neighboring shelters
  • $175 funds medication and care for an upper respiratory for one kitten or puppy
  • $250 cares for one healthy puppy or kitten from arrival through adoption
  • $400 funds the treatment of Ring worm
  • $600 stocks our center with medication
  • $800 funds the treatment of Heartworm
  • $1,200 funds critical care to an animal with life-threatening injuries

Also this little guy!
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"Thwack thwack thwack~GIF made by me"


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PAWS Chicago


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I also have jeans I need to fit into.


As Always Thanks For Reading
- Tiger


P.S.
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Zombieland


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Rebuilding XII - Some Assembly Required - Tiger's Back


“At some point in life you have to face your fears, and head on even though you can’t be sure of the outcome. A great deal of people will never reach their dreams and it won’t have anything to do with their ability or skill set. They won’t reach their dreams because they were too afraid to try.” Eric Thomas

Announcement

Welcome back!  Time to shake off winter and start up again.  I apologize for being away for so long.  It's more than just the off season.  My leg issues really hit me hard.  More on that later.

Shake it off - 1

I'm joining Team PAWS 2014!  That's right!  You are probably wondering how I am going to join if I can't run.  Two words my friend, Aqua Bike!   I signed up for Illinois Tri Championships AquaBike division on June 26th, Olympic distance.

http://paws.convio.net/site/TR/TeamPAWS/TeamPAWS?px=1010063&pg=personal&fr_id=1040

I'm also seeing a new therapist.  He is an Ironman too so I can at least trust that he understands my motivations.  I'm two sessions in and things are going well.  It may be a while before I run a race but I might be run jogging soon at the very least.  Next post I will have more information and will discuss my treatment. It's really funny what he said though.  Take in mind he hasn't met me before and never heard of my blog.

He said.

"You aren't broken, we just need to rebuild you." 

It tugged at some strings because well it's a recurring theme in my blog.  Many of my friends who know where I've come from know just how deep the theme of rebuilding is for me.  

But let me get back and at least start by apologizing for my absence.  It's hard being in this spot.  My legs are still acting up.  So I dropped off the face of the planet.  I gained weight and I got sad.  It's really rough going to physical therapy for 30 sessions and losing out countless hours of my life and not getting anywhere.  It's done, I can sit and be pissy about it but would I really be a tiger if I continued down that path?


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No of course not. "People born in the Year of the Tiger are thought to be brave, strong, stubborn and sympathetic. The tiger represents the greatest earthly power, as well as protection over human life. It chases away the so-called 'three disasters': fire, thieves and ghosts." 2 Listen just because I personify a tiger because my birthday falls in its particular zodiac doesn't mean I fit it perfectly.  Being human means your fallible.  I can only try. So again I apologize but I'm back. I will be an Iron Tiger one day.


Kick-Off Fundraising Party

I will be hosting a kick-off fundraising party the first or second weekend of March with a raffle off, and some other exciting contests!

Details to come on the event.  I encourage you to come out and have a drink!  You might just safe a puppy or kitty's life.

But drink responsibly - 4


Anyway, here is an interesting video that sort of relates to running and caught my interest.


Flexible Muscle-Based Locomotion for Bipedal Creatures from John Goatstream on Vimeo.


As always, thanks for reading.

References

I reference wikipedia because this isn't a research paper.  I don't need no APA style.

http://imgur.com/gallery/zsqLe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_in_Chinese_culture
http://i.imgur.com/Vs5TyaU.jpg
4 http://i.imgur.com/Z8d30jx.gif

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Tiger Rebuilt Coupons

Congratulations!  You've been awarded a Tiger Rebuilt Coupon!  I have some very exciting coupons for my supporters and donors.

The coupons aren't here, you most likely have one if you are visiting this page.

This page merely has the fine print and maybe some additional details on where you might cash in on your coupons.

The coupons have no cash value.  So you can't trade them in.  They all have expiration days and will not be honored after they expire, sorry!

Please be patient as I am rolling this out in 2014 and if you've received a coupon great!  Check back here for more details soon!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Rebuilding - XI - Tiger In Captivity

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
----------------


I've been benched for nearly a month now and every time I do try to go out and exercise, mostly swimming, I wind up hurting a few hours later just walking.  It's extremely frustrating especially since I am trying to lose weight.  Why?  Well, Halloween is coming up and I need to fit in my costume.

I had a dining affair with a gorgeous lady the other night who is just as active as I am if not more. We spoke about how restless we get when we are unable to exercise.  Working out is not only an a drug in it's own right its a way of life.  You take that away and you start to feel like you are living in captivity.  Athlete's know whats up. Sometimes it depresses me and I get really down. Luckily sometimes my team mates are there to cheer me up.  I won't mention their names but thank you Ms. Pancake! Although I'm sure you are well endow.....not that I've looked....not that I'm gay or anything....not that I have an issue with being....never mind I'll stop, i'm digging a pit I won't be able to climb out of.

Even worse news my left illiotibial band is also starting to become inflamed from friction now.   Most likely due to over compensating for my right leg.  
  
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If this little guy can do it, why can't I?


I received a second set of cortisone in both knees to help my legs out.  I'm going to need to keep off them for another few weeks.  What is a cortisone injection you ask?  Very good question.  Cortisone is a steroid naturally produced by the body.  17-hydroxy-11-dehydrocorticosterone is naturally produced by the body in reaction to stress. It is released by the adrenal glands. It is closely related to coritsol. Cortisone blocks the natural immune response from the body. One of the applications is reducing inflammation.

Many times cortisone is injected directly into a joint via a big ass needle (not the medical term). I tried looking it up. Let's stick with big ass needle.  Anyway, luckily for me the doctor injected the bursa. A small fluid filled sac that separates varies layers of things in your body. Inflammation of such bursa is called bursitis.

Injection of the cortisone was done with an exploratory ultrasound machine. So the doctor could see the inside of my leg as the cortisone was being administered. Pictures to come.  I found the whole process to be not too painful. You have a normal beesting as the needle is going in and some discomfort while the doctor is spreading the cortisone.  I watched the needle go in and kept my eye on it and the ultrasound screen. On a positive note the doctor said I have huge muscles as evidenced by the ultrasound machine.  

Side effects of cortisone include weakening of the joint (if injected into a joint) and weakness of the tendons (temporary, about a week), loss of fat in the treated area, skin discomfort/discoloration (temporary at worst).

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Picture unrelated, it's a Mai 3 legged tiger looking after the thing she made.


Physical Therapy


PT for short has certainly been a rollercoaster. It's comprised of several stages. First stage is a gentle warmup.  Followed up with a stretch.  Which leads into a deep tissue massage to breakup the scar tissue.  Scar tissue is bad.  Second to last stage is exercise to strength the muscles used to support my legs (hips, glutes, quads, everything in between).  Lastly ice.

The therapist (therapi, therapie?, therapistes???) do something called Graston technique on my legs.  Most athlete's should be familiar with this. It is a form of active release therapy.  Active release is designed to treat overused/overworked muscles and centers around relieving tension caused by scarring.  Sorry got lazy on this one and only linked the wikipedia article.

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Set of Graston Tools, around $2,000 or more for the set and you need to be licensed. Looks medieval doesn't it? It is.


It hurts, hurts bad, and leaves tough love marks. I feel like I've been Chris Browned after the sessions sometimes.  See below.  But this is actually good for me. It's breaking up of the scar tissue and realigning it. Allowing the tensor fasciae latae muscle to extend a bit allowing extra room for the illiotibial band to go around the knee.

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Left Leg

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Right Leg, you can't ask for anymore leg photos. I'm not stripping for your pleasure.


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Unrelated Pic - Alaskan Flat Tire.  DAMNIT MOON MOON!!!!!!!


Chicago Triathlon - Sprint Distance


Although I had ITB(F)S.  I still ran the Chicago Triathlon.  I was in a lot of pain and I delayed my recovery for a lot longer than I thought I would. Yes I was a stupid poopy head and I shouldn't have done that.  It is one of the reasons people don't STAY in the sport. Train smart, recover smart, stay in the game. I need to listen to my body going forward and use the form roller from hell every day.

I was in excruciating pain but you know what.  With the help of PT and cortisone injections, I got myself through the race and I got myself a nifty token.  I laughed, I cried, I screamed, I joked. I even asked out loud and proudly;

WHERE THE HELL IS THE SHORTCUT?
ARE WE THERE YET?
....
....
....
And my favorite.
I'M DOING THIS FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?????


I haven't gotten that klondike bar.  Sadly. However, the token was a medal not only a medal an awesome one!  See below.


Mini Girl Update



She was adopted. I'm so happy. Although, I miss her dearly. Even though she was a brat. But I wish everyone could get a forever home. Will you make a pledge to donate to my Team PAWS 2014 fund? If so contact me. Look forward to new fundraising things to come.  I will be free from captivity and I will race again. Will it be in 2014? Who knows, but I will still fund raise.


Soon

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Me hopefully in the NEAR future.


As Always Thanks For Reading

References

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Rebuilding - X - Racing at 66% (Special Edition) Part I

I feel something so right
Doing the wrong thing
I feel something so wrong
Doing the right thing
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
-------
One Republic - Counting Stars


This special edition will contain my first Tri Race Report.  As well as injury analysis and my emotional experiences. So those of you who've been waiting for an update sorry for the delay.  Sit back, grab a glass of wine and enjoy.


ITBS

Illiotibial Band (Friction) Syndrome, the name of my enemy.  

It began mid June.  I was running on the treadmill doing a 5k warmup before my swim workout. About 2 miles in my leg started to become fatigued.  Which is fairly odd because I've been regularly doing 4-5 miles, however, something felt off, somewhat different.   My shins started to hurt, then the very edge of my quads started hurting and then my ankle stop lifting.  I had to stop something was wrong.  I figured I was just tired so I jumped into the pool and did 15 laps. 

I didn't think anything of it until later that night when I could barely walk.  I was limping so bad.  I didn't go and see a doctor because I was so scared as to what they might have said. I was escorting a female friend of mine home after a show.  It was so bad it was like she was walking me home not the other way around.

I healed up in a few days and rested a few more.  I biked and swam for a bit as part of my normal training regimen but stayed off for a few extra days.  I ran again a week and a half later and did 5k with no problem at all.  So I thought oh yes i'm back.  The issue was gone?

No not even close.  It happened again a week later in July.  After my metric century ride the pain came back after a mile run.  I needed to see a doctor.  Something was terribly wrong with this picture.  I was unbelievably terrified.  So I went to see my primary.  Unfortunately my primary was not there so I had been given one of her colleagues.

At first she didn't know what to make of it.  She said it was Osgood–Schlatter disease.  All I needed to do was do RICE.  (rest, ice, compression, elevation)  Something told me that she didn't have a clue what she was talking about.  I mean she wasn't a sports medicine doctor and her hesitation.  She prescribed anti-inflam medicine and sent me on my way.

2 weeks rest and I could try again.  I swam the entire two weeks.  My swimming is getting better and I was doing well.  I put on my running shoes got on the treadmill at the gym.  It happened again.  I called my coach and was pacing back and forth talking to him.  I was probably out of the race.

After the third time my knee started to give up on me I began to lose it.  Mentally I was going through so many emotions.  I believe the below image summarizes it very well.  I was ready to cut off the leg.  I felt like my dream was stolen from me with this weak and frail body.


I felt all of these emotions.  I mean all of them.  Despair, pain, grief, anger, hatred, desperation, madness, fear. I was desperately seeking a quick fix.  I cursed God, I yelled at people I shouldn't have.  I dropped out of the Chicago 10k because of it.  I haven't even been able to train solidly for the Chicago Triathlon.  I moved from the Olympic Distance to the Sprint distance.  I still don't know what the future will hold.  I'm very worried.

I came close to asking the doctor to remove my leg from the knee down.  I was prepared to make a life without it if it meant I could continue doing races.  It was a legitimate thought in my head.  I mean I've seen so many ironman competitors without legs, why not me?



I don't mean to be so harsh in my words but that is how I truly felt.  Here is a funny photo.

I saw 3 doctors, had 6 Xrays, 1 MRI. My medical bills have yet to arrive but I expect something like the following image.  I'm sure my bills are in the thousands of dollars.  My physical therapy sessions are $600/session without insurance.  (My insurance does cover it but I need to pay a co-pay)

Another funny photo to lighten the mood.

I am in physical therapy trying my best to resolve ITBS.  There are so many issues I want/need to confront. I have a very severe form of ITBS.  The symptoms cripple me.  ITBS is a very generalized diagnosis.  It affects people different.  Most runners get ITBS.  For me I basically get to the point where my leg shuts down.  For others its just pain.

What is ITBS?   We need to understand what the band is first.  It is a ligament that helps to rotate your hips, it also contributes to stabilizing lateral movement in the knee.   ITBS is common amongst runners and is generally referred to as an overuse injury.

The ligament attaches near the knee and will rub if the ligament is too tight.  That is what its doing for me.  It's rubbing and getting inflamed.  This causes me to start running differently which causes a cascading failure of my muscles in my legs.




Why do I still strive?  Why do I still want to do triathlons if i'm so broken, so injured?  

For her


For her and for dogs like her.  That was my foster pup Mini Girl.  I love her to death.  She's such a brat but she deserves a forever home.  I wish I could keep her and be her dad, alas I can't.  My schedule is crazy and I wouldn't be able to give her enough hours in the day.

I volunteer and I joined Team PAWS to help animals like Mini Girl.  

http://www.pawschicago.org/adoptions/dogs-available-for-adoption/mini-girl-2/

Scores of animals are killed each year due to overcrowding in city pounds because its impossible to care for that many animals with so little resources.  It's places like PAWS Chicago that save the day.  I do my very best to contribute to PAWS but I need your help as well.  If I was a millionaire i'd donate a big portion of my health to PAWS, but I'm not.

I keep emphasizing it but, please if you could throw together a few bucks i'd really appreciate it.

https://tinyurl.com/TigerRebuilt4PAWS




....To Be Continued....

Up Next

What i'm doing to defeat ITBS? Coritsone, yoga, my race report...much much more...


As always thanks for reading.



P.S.  Thanks for all my friends and family who've dealt with me and my b***hing.